Kids without pancakes

Yesterday, as I mentioned, I decided I would attend the Y's yoga class.

You really start to love yoga, once you get into it. Your body almost craves the stretches. I am no yoga master by any means, but downward dog has become my friend. Normally I am able to keep a relatively clear head during practice. Some scatterings of thoughts run here and there but usually I can control it. So I have been looking forward to this hour all day. Get my head into it, my body into and I am going to be golden.

Not yesterday. Could it be the day leading up to yoga that prevented me from reaching enlightenment? (okay, my own personal version of enlightenment, how is that?)

Could it be the process of getting in the car? (This is getting pretty ridiculous, the amount of time it took me to get my kids to exit the house and get into the car) I mean really. Could it be that I am a self handicapper and decided to eat a toasted English muffin with whipped cream cheese only one half an hour before yoga started? (Ugh I was so full, why did I do that!) So any of these reasons, and more. Like these two conversations for example:

Holden, lets get in the car. Why are you wearing sweat pants it is 95 outside.
Love warm pants.
Where are your shorts?
They wet. Me pee in them.
Oh. Okay. But it is very hot, you are going to be too hot.
NOOOOOO
Wait, your pants are twisted, let me help. Oh, your underpants are on backwards.
Let me fix them.
NOOOOOO
ugh. now where are those wet shorts?

Overhear in the back of the car:
Ella: I need my bag from school!
Holden: why ella need bag?
Ella: I need to make pancakes.
Holden: why make pancakes?
Ella, with conviction: Holden, not everyone gets pancakes. They are for kids without pancakes.
Holden: ME MAKE PANCAKESSSSSSSSSSSS


So we reach the Y. Bribery consisting of high fructose corn syrup fruit snacks ensues. You can only imagine that I am setting myself up for failure by allowing 3 and 5 to each hold 4 quarters. By the time we actually reach the vending machine we are somehow down seventy five cents. Don't ask me how, I just don't know.

Containment, at last. They are in child care I am in yoga. Breathing deeply. Until I realize I have a nose whistle. Breath very deep hoping to eliminate it. Doesn't work. Try again. Still doesn't work. And if I keep up this breathing rate I am going to pass out. Seems to be getting louder. Am I the only one who hears this thing? It seems really really loud. I look around. I mean we are in the middle of centering ourselves and all I can think about is this whistle!

Downward dog has devolved into downward spiral. During triangle I notice I have missed shaving a hair on my leg. What the hell has it been like two months since I shaved it? How did I miss this one? Gross! Try to pull it. Ouch! Can't get it.

And then, somebody toots, just to make it worse. I have now completely left the yoga room, at least mentally. It happens that the toot-er has been chewing their gum very loudly, and I suspect that nobody could hear my nose whistle over that anyway.

So my conclusion to this exercise in frustration: yoga plus nose whistle = fail. Kids plus fruit snacks = Holden falls into a high fructose corn syrup sleep coma on the couch at 9:00pm and stays in it until 8:00am. Thank you God!