Wait, how does this work...

Nothing like beating a dead horse, and really I don't love that phrase, but it works...

It is Sunday evening. It is 6:24 to be exact. I am in my new life, the life that is sans-teaching, but working full time. Forgive my list making, but maybe I am forgetting something...Laundry is done. House is clean. (has to be its up for sale) Lunches are semi-packed for tomorrow. Books are read. Okay. So now what?

I don't recall being in this position before...kids are entertained/entertaining themselves. Dinner is finished and cleaned away. So what do I do with myself? This is so odd.

I offered this blog up to a writer friend of mine and her reaction was of mild revulsion. Why? Extreme narcissism. My extreme narcissism to be exact. I guess she missed the disclaimer at the front, but anyway one of the points she emphasized was that I am NOT reinventing the wheel here. Women have been struggling with rearing children and being themselves/working, etc. for ages and I wasn't saying anything new. Blech. But I can't swallow that, somehow I can't do anything else BUT talk about this right now. I can't figure out another way to work through this. It's new territory and finding my way through it often feels like I am the first and only on who has done it. So true, not ground breaking stuff, for her, for many, but it is for me.

My point? I kind of lost it in there somewhere. But I think it was something to the effect of:

Now that I have some time to do something, what the heck do I do?

Life seems to me to be one big balancing act, and as soon as I am balanced someone throws another object at me and realignment begins again.

One of those days?

Sitting here at my desk I am trying to track why exactly my shoulders feel fixed to my ears...at what today did I become a stress case and why can't I shake it?

Okay, to start, an attempt at Jillian Anderson's Trouble Zones dvd. Note the word attempt. This video kicks your butt. Kicks mine anyway. This is the third attempt at finishing it and still not happening. Oh and they say the workout is 40 min. Not quite, thank you very much.

So begins the mad rush of the morning. Shower dress kids wake up advent calendar arguing dress me dress them clean up breakfast almost out of milk that was bread, once, sorry kiddo no toast and butter for breakfast baby pancakes for one not for the other socks on shoes on hair brushed chase other child to get him dressed make him breakfast doesn't want that okay I'll eat it laundry don't forget to put it in the dryer UGH dryer is full okay fold clothes chase child to dress again pack lunch don't forget snack forgot to decorate stockings for school ugh sorry kiddo maybe tonight 8:25 running out of time grab purse grab kisses drive away with car seat needed in other car get to work before I notice too far to turn back

And that was just before 8:45.

WHAT THE!

So, here I am fishing for the time of the Williamsburg Parade on the VA Gazette. Scroll down, nothing. Go across to the right hand nav and lo and behold, what do I see: The Viscosity of Me.

Huh? That sounds like my blog. THAT IS MY BLOG! Gulp. Hehehe, nervous laugh. I haven't written for quite some time. And turns out it has been posted as a link on the VA Gazette. Hehehe. Okay. Think. This is good. This is good because I really love writing. This is bad because I haven't written for some time. (Posts to follow about why I haven't written anything, and surely there are some doozies to come.) NOT that I haven't thought about it. In fact I think about it quite a bit.

I recently read this wonderful book, Better, A Surgeon's Notes on Performance by Atul Gawande. It is a truly insightful book about his experience thus far a surgeon, and his desire to examine his own preformance. I mention it for two reasons, one, I think you should read it, whoever you are, and two, in the summation he says "write something." I know he wasn't talking to me specifically, but he offers up writing as a way of problem solving, as well as a way of communicating. Surely this is a lousy way to sum up a great book, and it has a ton of other really compelling information, but that part hit me. 


Why? It applies to everyone. Write something. Write about your life, your kids, your struggles, your faith, write about what moves you, or what breaks your heart or what really ticks you off. 


Write something.