Started writing yesterday, and stopped. I couldn't seem to gather my thoughts to make them coherent enough for anyone to read. Not great when you are offering your thoughts up for just that.
Recall the intro to my blog:
This is a blog about ME. It is going to be indulgent, frustrated, stressed, ranty, funny, honest and hopefully interesting to someone other than myself. It is a way to express my longing to be a better everything: mom, wife, person, designer, friend, etc.
I have been stewing about what the point of this blog is, and if that is point enough. AND if I have digressed from said point. I did say I wanted this blog to be indulgent, and I believe that I have lived up to that. It is past indulgent, we can even call it narcissistic. (We could even call it a journal of sorts. Ick, don't like that word, but still, it fits.) And I am okay with that. In fact, I want and need that. Any mom in my place needs that. Somewhere to rant, vent, be contrary, somewhere to be all of those things you really can't be when you have little ones to care for. If you shut those feelings down/stifle them for too long, they are bound to rear their heads in other, not so good ways.
Frustrated, aaah. Yes, well I have definitely covered that. My kids and my lack of forward movement seem to be the greatest source of frustration for me. BUT that doesn't mean that I don't adore them, or think they are amazing. Truly, they are a gift from God. I know that, and tell them that often. I personally don't like reading only the good things in life. A.) it makes me kind of jealous and B.) It is boring. I mean do you really want this to be one of those meandering Christmas letters where you tell everyone how awesome everything is and blah blah blah? Not me. Putting my angst about them out there does open me up to criticism. I accept that.
Stressed. check.
Ranty. I love that word.
Funny. According to the moms that I run into, yes.
Honest. Sometimes brutally. Sometimes I embellish a bit. I can say that my last post about Jamestown was not in fact my own personal hell. It was more like purgatory...
and, interesting to someone other than myself. And although I would like this, and I think it has been mostly...it is not at the top of my list. If the minutia of my life isn't exceedingly interesting to someone, that is fine. I can live with it. You can even go to the top of the page hit next blog and there you go.
Longing to be a better everything:
mom, something I can always improve on, and some days I do see it. Some days, ie Jamestown post, not so much. longing definitely the keyword.
wife, an ongoing education and I get to laugh my way through it with a wonderful man
person, yes, one of the most challenging
designer, I haven't really touched on this yet, and for good reason. I am not really ready. I am in the position where I can talk about these other issues, I can do it quickly and with verve. I am in the thick of those things. Design for me has a different compartment lately. It is almost like a pot on simmer. I will get to it, as it is an integral part of me. But for today, I need this space to get rid of my demons. Call this the baby steps blog. Hopefully I will look back and say: in the early days of my blog all I could do was talk about myself. Me me me. What a narcissist. But now I shall wow you with my knowledge of the international type style and my interpretation of it...
finally, friend, well, one can always can work on that, too.
So the point of this blog? I guess to help me get through it. Could be prettier, sure. Could be more elegant and hopefully it will be. Could NOT be more indulgent. But I like that.
I think your blog is fantastic. Many people are afraid to put out there the thoughs that run through their head, fearing they will look/sound/appear to be less of a person. This results in not truely being yourself, but being the person you believe others want you to be. And, if that's good enough for them, so be it. You choose honesty. You choose to be the person so many others wish they were brave enough to be. You don't hide or feel shame or doubt. You put it out there and it becomes a place to go for those who don't have the outlet or expressive ability.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is as if you are there having a conversation with me as I read, I love that.
It IS your blog. It should be exactly what YOU want it to be. If you choose to change it, to make it pretty and quaint to please others, let me know so I may find another blog to follow. I mean no offense, but I have plenty of people to provide fluff for me.
Looking forward to tomorrows thoughts.
Ok, may I say something..... I think that the thought of narcissism and relativity are getting confused here a little bit. If I'm wrong I apologize, but I see this blog simply as a conversation with a friend and nine times out of ten some part or all of it is relative to something in my life. I hate the phrase "misery loves company" because most people aren't necessarily miserble but we do love company when it comes to what life has to hand out ie kids, home,husband,relationships,friendships,education,work etc. And if anyone who reads this blog doesn't relate to at least one of those components of life and the frustration that goes with it, then I guess they have the "perfect" life. Like that Christmas letter you talked about......there's a reason I don't write them LOL. I love this blog and I hope you and everyone else do not mind me going on and on with my comments, I just find it so relatable.
ReplyDeleteLove you