Hold me to it

Worky worky worky.
As I have said, I love to work. Since my kids were born I have done a good job (in my OWN opinion, anyway) of keeping one foot in the industry. I felt compelled to, things change so quickly that you must have a hold on it or you end up too far behind. So I teach online courses and freelance. (shameless plug: www.smckennastudio.com)

I find that working on my own has a lot of benefits. I am very nice to myself. I compliment my work. I take lunch. I work long hours, happily, if I need to. I make a good pot of coffee. Best of all, I don't ever snap at myself. (I know that sounds ridiculous, but you get my meaning.)

Now lets talk about working with others.
I don't like to be snapped at. Pretty much ever. I don't care who you are, I find it rude, and I find it disrespectful. Who says it is okay for YOU to snap at someone else? HOW are you more important than that me? How is your inability to deal with stress MY PROBLEM? WHERE do you get the right to treat someone else as if they don't matter. I DON'T LIKE TO BE BULLIED. By snapping at me you are being disrespectful and you are bullying me.

Since I don't snap, I find it very upsetting when someone snaps at me. I am taken aback.

I am generally non-confrontational. I don't like to argue and I really don't like to have to go to someone and call them out. In fact I will usually do anything I can to avoid that –this is where the problem starts. I am offended but afraid/reluctant to fight back. Afraid to say anything because I really don't like those kind of discussions. (This is a personal failing.)

I am going on thirty six years old and instead of fighting back I start to get anxiety. And then it gets worse. I get shaky and nervous. I give that person power to do it again and again! I worked with someone for two years who did this. It got so bad that even when I received an email from them I would get a sick stomach. Come on! It is sad to even write that! I hate to admit it, but it is true.

Now if you know me I don't seem like someone who would cower. I think I seem pretty put together. But I was raised, sorry mom, to not talk back, and it is a hard habit to break. That said, I am an adult and I need to change that behavior. 

So what this is leading to, well I have been snapped at. And it was in front of four other people. Nuh- uh. Not having it. The line has been drawn. And now, in order to prevent a situation like before, I have to grab sack (forgive the term, but it fits) and tell this individual that I will not deal with it.

Why am I writing this in my blog? It is seriously important to me. I have to do a better job of telling people what I need, what I can deal with and what I can't.  If I write it down I can't just excuse it away.

I want you to hold me to it.